THOUGHT: Do / Be: why people feel it’s impressive to tell you how good they are in bed?

IN DATING, I wonder why people feel it’s impressive to tell you how good they are in bed? Imagine how ridiculous it would sound if they told you how great they were at loving? And here’s the point: no virtuous and experienced potential lover needs to advertise a thing. It can be read in the way we:

– open the car door for a friend, date, lover, mother, brother
– hold the door open at the pub for another
– help with the dishes after supper
– fetch them a glass of water on the way to the cupboards
– help someone in need walking by
– speak of our exes with appreciation in the eyes
– admit our weaknesses with a chuckle and admission
– humbly reveal how we’re helping ourselves in our mission
– undress the person while seeing them still
– bring them a barf bucket when they’re feeling ill
– say ‘hi’ as a check-in at start of sexy intercourse
– slap on the ass after a quickie when we’re both used to it
– carry ourselves with confidence but awareness
– hear/see/feel the other as we do ourselves.

I never had to question that my friend is an incredible cyclist – because he cycles! I don’t question my other mate is great with cats – he knows all about their food and the perfect toys! The musician practices guitar! The yogi does that yoga, and the Zenmaster has the breathing! The chef does the cooking, and the runner has her running! (I have done the ruminating and no wonder the Healer in Chelsea told me ages ago to change the medium!)

And so what of your choosing is what you are doing? And what you do is who you’re becoming. If you’ve been loving well and treating a body naked as a real person, it’s unlikely you will falter in love, lest you abuse a body like an object and disguise your fear of closeness in shame and hatred… If you feel so empty, fake, and hard, no wonder you would treat a person like a vessel, not real, and — then, simply, discard.

Photo used with kind permission by Loui Jover. Buy his art here.