Tough Ass to Crack

Ottawa XPress, Feburary 17, 2005

Has this ever happened to you?

You’re sitting alone on the bus or waiting quietly by yourself on a bench for a friend when all of a sudden an imposing group of loud teenagers saunters in your direction. You immediately categorize them as a bunch of wannabe toughies and continue your reading and your waiting.

But then, as they strut past you all chill like that, you overhear some tough-ass wanker in the bunch, who’s gesturing his arms this way and that, boasting about how he’s going to fuck some chick’s ass real good tonight.

Your eyeballs about this wide now, you then hear the young female of the group fearlessly inform Mr. Macho that “a girl’s not going to get wet by fucking her ass, you have to fuck her pussy first.” The brighter marble, that one. I wonder whether the girl’s cool response will knock the punk off his high horse. Who knows?

“Kids today,” you say to yourself as you try to recall ever talking like that when you were their age.

My own experience as a grade school gangster stupidly smoking cigarette butts with my crew in the jungle gym at Queen Mary Public School was a pathetic performance that scared nobody in the way the foul-mouthed youth of today can.

In my day, the idea of a youth gang was pesky kids dressed up as skeletons in the movie, The Karate Kid, or those in movies like The Outsiders, Stand By Me and The Lost Boys. But those gangs weren’t as over-the-top sexualized as many teenagers I now observe in real life, at the Rideau Centre for instance. And I don’t recall that there were any girls in those gangs.

Nowadays, we’re hearing about all-girl gangs killing other girls. And outside of gangs, but keeping with the bullying and taunting, it was in our own province that a woman helped lure teenage girls to her house where together with her husband, Paul Bernardo, she raped and murdered them. Karla Homolka’s involvement in the killings hammered home the point that women – and not only men – are surely capable of sexual aggression and killing.

Initially the news media at the time painted Homolka as a victim, until it became clear she was into it as much as Bernardo was. Gender equality, folks.

Now it’s not only the Creepy Guy that women have to fear as they walk alone at night – it’s other females.

Over a month ago I overheard a girl downtown pointing out women’s asses for the males with her who were gawking predator-like at female passersby near the University of Ottawa. The girl’s sexual prattle was new to me. What do you think is going on here?

My guess: If you can’t beat them, join them. Think. As long as Homolka was on this side of the whip, then she’d never have to endure the other side. As long as the young girls are helping degrade or objectify other women, they may think they’re safe from being a target themselves. And if the guys won’t let the gals join them? Then chicks can beat the guys-off-using their mouths in a different way. In some circles, giving blowjobs may be how girls embrace and control the sex that could otherwise victimize them.

The Ottawa Citizen ran a story last year about “rainbow parties.” This is where guys get a selection of lipstick markings on their dicks from the many teenage girls who blow them. Girls are grabbing sexuality by the balls by offering up other services too. For example, some parents are asking a Texas school district to ban bracelets they say are being used by students as a code for sex games. The bracelet color determines the sexual act that will be performed. Black means sex. Orange means kiss. Green means outdoor sex. Clear means anything goes.

These are some of the things I think about as I try to figure out why some girls go along with guys as they talk publicly about what they’re going to do to women’s bodies.

Personally, I’m often compelled to blurt out to the guy: “You wouldn’t know your cock from a Hartman’s Pogo, asshole.”

And to the girl: “Do you think you’re cool now?”

But, out of fear of getting my own ass kicked, I shut up. I ignore the posturing and chalk up the aggression to immaturity. And hey, maybe the girls aren’t even bothered by it. Indubitably, being referenced as a hot bitch glory hole does wonders to a young woman’s self-esteem. You don’t think?


Strip back your inhibitions and get out to Ottawa’s first Fetish & Fantasy Fair on Saturday February 19 from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. at the Embassy West Hotel on Carling Avenue. Check out workshops, demonstrations, vendors, and fashion shows. Ottawa’s MOIST erotic magazine editor, Liam Taliesin, will be among the many participants. A Fantasy Fetish Masquerade Ball will follow from 9 p.m. to 2 a.m. Fetish and erotic attire is encouraged but absolutely no street clothes. For more info visit The event will help support the Kid’s Help Phone.

– Sylvie Hill