Shotgun

Save The Celebrities

Ottawa XPress – Shotgun – March 30, 2006 Bardot the babykiller? (Photo: Aaron McKenzie Fraser) Celebrities from far and wide are being tortured in Canada. That’s right, last week media and pundits abused and ridiculed the McCartneys and Brigitte Bardot for speaking out against Canada’s seal hunt, or “massacres,” which they call horrific. Being the […]

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Telemummies

Ottawa XPress, March 23, 2006 I can’t have a baby now, my outfit is all wrong! According to 99 percent of the television commercials featuring wives and mothers and laundry detergent or minivans, without high-waisted beige chinos, I’m nothing. Add to that the absence of matching pastel knit co-ordinates and a delicate gold necklace to […]

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The Exphiles

Ottawa XPress – Shotgun – March 16, 2006 Being in a relationship is a lot like gambling. You play your cards, hedge or make your bets and hope you don’t get fucked up the ass. Unless, of course, you’re into that. But let’s say you get royally screwed. How long do we have to listen […]

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When Getting Drunk is Too Loaded

Ottawa XPress – Shotgun – March 2, 2006 If you’re not sorry for who you are Why are you sorry for where you been? ~From “Wasted,” by Joseph Arthur Inebriation. Is it about celebration or medication? Jubilation or depression? Can you remind me again why it’s ever a good idea to get wasted? I gave […]

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Ottawa Rocks!

Ottawa XPress – Shotgun – February 23, 2006 Winterlude or Bluesfest? Long johns or lawn chairs? Would you consider these among the cultural symbols of Ottawa, the icons that epitomize what makes Ottawa Ottawa? I’m going to say “yes,” Alex, for $30, the price of my Hawksley Workman ticket at the Bronson Centre on March […]

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Love, Love Me, Do Me

Ottawa XPress – Shotgun – February 9, 2006 People go to great lengths to get sex, either keeping their efforts between themselves and God or with all of New York City. That’s right. Flippin’ through the New York Post last month, there it was in the popular Page Six column. John Lennon’s 30-year-old son, Sean, […]

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Can You Spare Any Change?

Ottawa XPress – Shotgun – February 2, 2006 A lot of change going around these days. Angelina Jolie changed the last name of her two children, Zahara and Maddox, to “Jolie-Pitt,” and will make Brad Pitt their adoptive father. Here in Canada, over at CBC Radio, my favourite announcer, Anthony Germain, is changing offices and […]

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Pickin Up Good Vibrations

Ottawa XPress – Shotgun – January 26, 2006 Guys, do you ever wish you were porn-store clerk Nino Quincampoix in the French film Amélie, and Ms. Poulain would leave you secret messages by the Beaver Tails stands? Or ladies, maybe it’s Laure you want to be from the movie Vendredi soir, hoping a suave Parisian […]

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I Love STDs!

The Ottawa XPress …don’t you? What better way to prove you’re getting laid? Nothing says you’re desired like a bout of chlamydia. What a catch you are. And isn’t it exciting when your new lover is an International Man of Mystery? Like, when he doesn’t tell you about that sexually transmitted disease he got from […]

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Eve’s Quest

Ottawa XPress, Shotgun, December 22, 2005 Do you know someone who flips through women’s fashion magazines in the grocery store line or has a subscription to Cosmo or Maxim? For 2006, get them the straight goods on chicks. Buy them a copy of Eve’s Quest instead. From Mother Teresa to Mother Goose, Barbie to Body […]

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