Sylvie Hill

Live Decapitation

I find it quite amazing
In a live-decapitation kind of way…
That he would call me a tease
While promoting he was a good lay.

He would talk in gentle tones in writing
About energy exchanged in eyes in bedrooms
But in real life he was hardly a gentleman
And there was no intimacy in his eyes but doom.

And a vacuous look of far-away.
Was he even listening to a word I’d say?
He talks of all the FWB women who wanted him:
Is that supposed to be flattering self-promotion, selling himself again?

That women just wanted to fuck him!
(Since he didn’t have anything else to offer them, like emotions?)
3% of the time he asked me personal questions,
but a million times asked why I wouldn’t take my pants off.

Are we in Grade 7?! Is this near-50 man desperate?
What kind of man pressures a 43 year-old bird
with things like “most guys would be gone by now…”
And it’s Date 3, so “maybe you should put out” suggestions?

“I want to fuck you,” he said, hot.
It was a bit fiery, I don’t doubt
until I realized the next morning not having gone
that it was my wisest decision that I had not done him.

I am but a body without a brain or mind to this guy!
Just a set of bones and tits and a place to dive.
Without a middle name, a history or telling eyes
Just a means for buddy to feel better in his life between thighs.

If I had been a stupid girl without the men I’ve loved
I’d have slipped into his play of bullshit for a moment more.
But mom always taught me if the man doesn’t open a car door
No matter how much money they make or how good in bed they say they are…

That there in an incongruence, and RUN FAST AND FAR.
The shit didn’t add up – emails are distractions for men who are bored.
The shit didn’t add up – plans for him were made without me on board.
Shit did not add up like a human body without a head walking into doors…

Oh yes, I find it quite amazing
In a live-decapitation kind of way…
That he would call me a tease
While promoting he was a good lay…

… and withhold his affection, attention and emotion
Blackmailing horny ladies in need of connection.
Whereas I, gentlewoman, plan to deliver:
To a man who earns the stuff I display for us, with class, reciprocated and — together.

Sylvie Hill 2017