I Dream Of Reds

sunken ship

I dream you answered the code red
My heart swelled, spirit soared when I saw it:
“I dream of reds” dude with the bald head
I never did forget that.

Didn’t have the balls to ask
You took me to task
I had said I wanted to be a guilty one
Having fun, getting lost.

Your eyes were blank in the flesh
Otherwise I would have beamed my light
And broke your steady glance
Would have grabbed at your hands.

You did not see me for who I am.
But a clue was in exactly how I moved my hands
On your back (I remember that), and on your ass,
I’ve touched no man like that …

But when I had, there’s a man who said
“No woman’s ever touched me this way”
Another said: “No woman’s ever loved me this way”
Another still: “hold me like you hold me that way.”

You did not hear me as I am.
I said you were right 90% of the time
You corrected it to 60, so maybe
You were listening.

I dreamed you answered the code red,
Said: “Yes, I responded directly to your call.”
So I’d know if in the morning
You broke rules that plagued the soul

For a reason,
Not for treason or mistreatment.
It’s sheer faith I go on believing we connected.
That my calmness signaled to you I was in agreement.

I didn’t think I was going to go that night
I felt sorry for you that you knew this
We stayed up too late until the morning light
Despite this accident, no regrets, not unfortunate.

What is, is believing that fate is a mystery,
But all this because I thought your man looked like Ian
Or Danny.
The whole shit was concocted from an inquiry
The whole mystery nothing but – forced meanings.

They say we have the same nose, darkness and intensity.
One said you look exactly like an old boyfriend.

That time I said I felt safe on the sea
That I didn’t always see your ship but knew you’d be
There if I needed and came calling
You’d leave me a sign to let me know you weren’t far away.

I don’t know what to ask for.
Don’t know what I want to see.
Shall I get lost in London in dreams
… so you can come rescue me?

I know it was all make belief
I know you think I’m half crazy
In truth it means absolutely nothing …
And at the same time it was everything to me.

You think you’re powerful because you got off?
In the moment, I nurtured: I touched, I loved.
In that, my darling, you showed what you’re made of.
As did I: and in this game – I won.

© Sylvie Hill 2013