Sylvie Hill

THIS PICTURE SCARES ME

I will ask you why this picture is so scary.
And only few if any will say what I’m thinking.
Some may say, “she may fall and hurt herself!”
Others, darker, “do you think she’ll get raped??”
Oh, our adult brains and scenarios we make.

This picture scares me!
Because she is a cutie and I’d want to cuddle her.
Squeeze her tight and make her giggle.
No, I do not want children.
But to encourage exploration in a little person!

This pictures cares me…
Because … I can’t even find the words.
Or explain properly my discomfort and fear.
What is scary is the concept of adoring the ‘child-me’
It is foreign, far, over and selectively revealed.

So, I will ask you why this picture is so scary.
And you might say: “you see innocence and need?”
And I will greet you with an “exactly”
Because what I needed was rarely seen – or met
But I can feel it when I, too, hover on a fence –

Incapable of articulating.
“TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, FOR CHRISAKES!”
Standing there mute, my needs were moot
to an anxious mother, it was all about her
to a strange father, he was his own universe.
But Grandma there with the unconditional…

Yeah this picture scares me for a past I didn’t have
And for the future that is possible if I was only brave enough to ask.
For the mothers who lost their baby girls
For the fathers who have to let them go in the world
Love heals, and love hurts

When we were young we were vulnerable and it came to us
Growing old, we build our own walls, and try to get out.

SH 2016