Sylvie Hill

Ottawa XPress – Shotgun – June 2, 2005

What do you get when you cross a computer-savvy sexy lady and a difficult divorce? A kick-ass website called Heartless Bitches International (HBI) at www.heartlessbitches.com. But hold up. Before you stop reading and assume HBI is just another bitter-girl break-up feel-good sisterhood club, think again. This is a “shit or get off the pot” resource for both men and women featuring a bitchitorial, columns, book lists, quotes and merchandise. It’s the gateway past Dr. Phil and toward contentment that’ll help catapult you and your friends out of your sorry sad-sack selves.

This direct, no – bullshit site is the brainchild of Ottawa’s “Natalie P” who began posting observations on life and love on her personal web page back in 1995. So many people were interested in responding to her insights that she started a members list. “I created software for HBI to deal with the membership requests,” Natalie told Shotgun, “to weed out the bad ones.” (Like the guys who want to become a member just to pick up chicks or the girls who man-bash.)

Since then, HBI has become a popular swift kick to the heads of whiners, complainers and victims everywhere, designed to wake them the fuck up and teach them to regain control of their “unfortunate” situations.

“I’ve no time or patience anymore for people who continually inflict pain on themselves in the form of abusive relationships or never-ending job difficulties, and then go looking for a sympathetic ear,” she said. “Don’t ask me for advice if you don’t want to hear it.” That’s the vibe that permeates HBI.

HBI scoffs at lazy women who use emotional and sexual manipulation to get what they want instead of using their brains and muscles. Females who continually whine about how awful men are, but keep dating the same kind of assholes over and over again are under the microscope here.

But Natalie’s goal is also for HBI to explore issues like why a man championing a cause in the workplace is a hero but a woman is often called bitchy. “The site is about overcoming the many negative connotations around women being overpowered,” she said. She hates that many women feel they should just expect less – instead of the guys becoming more.

She’s learned that the need to assert one’s needs becomes paramount after a certain age. “HBI is about standing up for yourself with an ‘I don’t care what you say’ mentality,” Natalie says. “It’s about being 100 per cent yourself.” This woman’s had it with people telling assertive women they’re too loud or too opinionated. She’s given up on worrying about offending.

Instead, she identifies with thinkers such as Clarissa Pinkola Estés (Women Who Run With the Wolves) and Ottawa’s Keith Anderson. In his book, On Your Own Again, speaking about women in unsatisfying marriages, Anderson says women in their 30s begin registering a “gnawing dissatisfaction” with their lives while “Men, being retarded, haven’t twigged to this yet” until their 40s.

To date, the site is flourishing and getting a lot of attention overseas. HBI is trademarked in the United States but, “Canada considers the HBI name too obscene,” Natalie said. “And at $350 an hour for a trademark lawyer,” she adds, “it’s too expensive. I want to put my kids through university, thanks.” She would also like to get to a point where she could pay her writers and she is all for a teen version of the site and a “heartless bastards” site. There’s also the idea floating around to write a book. “I never tried to be a leader,” she said. And she knows she doesn’t have all the answers. “I’m at a point in my life where I’m happy, but I worked hard for it. I just get out there and do it.”

Like a month ago, when she and a bunch of friends dug through eight yards of dirt in her backyard. Within two days, she had all the landscaping done. About physical and emotional trials she says, “We all face challenges. We just have to work hard and ‘suck it up.'”

Admittedly, we all can fall into bad situations by being weak and really stupid. Consider HBI the first step in the right direction toward learning how to efface that self-perpetuating victimology.

XXX

Sneak a peek at Tweak Ottawa’s Tweak Clothing launches its first fashion show at Shanghai Restaurant (651 Somerset Street West) on Monday June 6, at 7 p.m. Designers Shirley Tam, Christine Ambroise and Kerry Campbell have transformed old clothing into ready-to-wear garments to spice up the Shanghai runway. “We really like using recycled fabrics,” Campbell said. “We don’t like to see things go to waste. It’s also a huge, cheap resource to start up a clothing company.”

The line will feature old sweatshirts tweaked into kimono-styled wrap-arounds and dresses altered into shirts. An actual fashion show means that “people respond to it [the clothing] more on a model than they would have if you just laid it out on the table. If you don’t see them on, you may not understand how to wear them.”

Catch Tweak Clothing also at the Ladyfest craft sale, Saturday June 11, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

– Sylvie Hill